jaadu hai

it’s like i just left ‘what could have been’ and haven’t gotten to ‘what could be’. it’s like i’m in purgatory.

sticks and stones
break my bones
words pierce my heart

though
over time
bones heal

if there is something you must say
don’t wait to be asked
time is a precious thing
the moment may not last

so do what you must do
leave no room for regret
and remember: if you don’t ask
you don’t get

Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
- Howard Aiken

At some point ideas don’t matter. They do and yet they don’t. There are many reasons why people won’t share their ideas. Sometimes we think the idea is not good enough, or not original enough or worse… we think someone will take our idea and, godforbid, make money!

What is an original idea anyway? What is a truly original idea? Aren’t most “original” ideas simply older ideas augmented in some form or manner?

I like sharing ideas now. As silly, foolish or unoriginal as they may be. And even if I think the idea will make me a thousandaire, I have no issues sharing it. Though I think at some point I would have had issues. But for some reason I don’t anymore.

I think ideas are for everyone’s taking. If I didn’t come up with it, someone else would have (or already has). So in the long run, it may not even matter who exactly came up with it. Everyone remembers the Wright brothers though, because they actually flew a plane. I’m sure lots of other folk were coming up with ways to fly.

Ideas in and of themselves aren’t much at all. The follow-through is what really matters in the end. At some point, I need to pony up and follow-through.

I don’t know what it is. The thought of many words that I may write prevents me from doing so. At some point I will have all the words lined up in my mind. The sentences, the paragraph structure, even the jokes will all have been placed and polished. But yet there is nothing, because it’s not written.

Then when I come to write those thoughts, there is nothing. Sometimes I will go blank and sometimes the willingness to write those words will die. The more words required, the less willing I am to write them. The subject matter no longer as meaningful as it was in my mind. “Hah! Who would read this? Would I read this?”. But there is so much to say. I wish I could get as much out in few words. I wish I could transfer these thoughts without words and say nothing.

The unplanned thoughts flow easier in a way, the meaningless easier to convey. Never in my mind, the words and sentences form themselves. All of a sudden the medium has a meaning, and it’s beyond my mind. I wish I could say more.

many syllables
here i need to make seven
this better be five

I was at the doctor’s office on Saturday, but I forgot to take my music machine with me. There’s something about hospitals and clinics, I don’t want to go there. I’m not against it, no. But I’m always reluctant to go. In either case, while waiting I realized I didn’t have my mp3 player. I then checked the pockets for a deck of cards — no luck. So I sat there for the longest time doing nothing. I may have been thinking, but this unconfirmed. I decided to go to the convenience store and purchase a couple of decks of cards. My old deck was much battered and bruised anyway.

I started playing around with the cards to give myself something to do as I waited. I was eventually called into the doctor’s office, and was in the moment where the doctor is still finishing off with other folk in the other room. So I play with the cards a little and then start playing with a toonie. The doctor opens the door and walks in, so I put the toonie and the cards on the table.

“How are you doing?”
“Not so well, I wouldn’t be here otherwise”, all my conversations with doctors start this way.
“Okay, so hit me with one!”, he notices the deck of cards on the table. I had done magic for him a couple of years ago, but I don’t know if he remembers.
“Dude! I’m sick. Fix me up first. You do your job, then I’ll do mine.”
“Fine.”

This is the exact same thing I came in for two years ago, and he prescribes the same thing. In between though, he starts to examine the toonie, trying to see if there was anything magical/tricky about it.

“That’s just a toonie.”, I say.
“I know, I’m just looking at it”, he picks up the coin and starts to turn it over and over, continuing to examine it.
“Hey! Put that back! That’s my lunch money.”
“I wasn’t going to keep it.”
“I don’t know about that, you look tired and it’s been a long day for you and that stethoscope looks really old. Who knows what you might do.”

He hands me the prescription. Notices my ring.

“You want to examine this too?”
“No. So… you’re an engineer! You must be smart.”
“You’re a doctor, you must be smart. I hope my prescription is correct.”

We got into a discussion about engineering. He suggested that I’m young and highly employable, and probably should be in Silicon Valley working on some kick-ass software. The thought has crossed my mind, many times. But I can create kick-ass software here too.

I notice that he’s kept up his end of the bargain, it’s time for me to do my job. And I did. He reclined further back in his chair and started clapping.

“Dude that was awesome! How did you do that?”, he says as I notice that sense of wonder in his eyes.
“Somethings they just don’t teach you in med school, eh? So how often do I take these pills again?”
“You’re the magician, you figure it out.”

More doctors like this, and my reluctant nature towards clinics might just disappear.

i have 7 drafts/unpublished posts on wordpress right now, and more in my head.

in fact, i have so much to blog about, that i”m not blogging anything at all. i think i’ll have a flurry of blog posts when i have nothing to blog about again.

7 unpublished/incomplete posts are titled:
1. me, me, me… my failure
2. laying the rays to rest
3. just one
4. I was just there
5. I swear
6. something
7. The Adnan Identity

Krazy 4 - I got 20 minutes in, until the “item number” song. sorry, you lost me there. I thought the intros of the characters were pretty good, direction and camera work seemed to be done well. But… no.

Black & White - I’m not sure why I kept giving this movie a chance. The new kid, Anurag Sinha, acted well for the role he was portraying. BUT… the second time he shot someone for saying something, I had to stop watching. no.

Race - I wasn’t really interested in watching this one at all, but people kept saying good things about twists and turns and all. This movie lasted 10 minutes. Anil Kapoor didn’t even finish his intro-narration, and I had no interest in the characters. Yes, Saif Ali Khan jumps off a hot air balloon into an unmanned car, falls directly into the driver’s seat and stops the car right just before it comes to the edge of a cliff. Ummm… no.

in a circle, all ends are connected